Beauty and the Horstachio part 9 - Shan Yu ("Gaston")

(Fade to tavern in the town.)
 * Shan Yu/Gaston: Who does she think she is? That girl has tangled with the wrong man. No one says 'no' to Shan Yu!
 * Mushu/Lefou: Darn right!
 * Shan Yu/Gaston: Dismissed. Rejected. Publicly humiliated. Why, it's more than I can bear. (turns chair away)
 * Mushu/Lefou: (Runs in front of him) More beer?
 * Shan Yu/Gaston: (Turns chair away again) What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced.
 * Mushu/Lefou: Who, you? Never. Shan Yu, you've got to pull yourself together. (singing) Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Shan Yu, Looking so down in the dumps, Every guy here'd love to be you, Shan Yu (cheering from the gallery) Even when taking your lumps, There's no man in town as admired as you, You're everyone's favorite guy, Everyone's awed and inspired by you (Mushu/Lefou turns chair back to forward) And it's not very hard to see why! No one's slick as Shan Yu, no one's quick as Shan Yu, No one's next as incredibly thick as Shan Yu, For there's no man in town half as manly, Perfect, a pure paragon! You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley, And they'll tell you who's team they'd prefer to be on!
 * (Mushu/Lefou has pulled a man's belt off, whose pants fall to the ground. Mushu/Lefou jumps up and wraps the belt around Shan Yu/Gaston's neck, who flexes and breaks it off. Mushu/Lefou continues to dance around. Human Villains/Old Cronies pick him up and swing him around.)
 * Human Villains/Old Cronies (singing): No one's been like Shan Yu, a king-pin like Shan Yu!
 * Mushu/Lefou (singing): No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Shan Yu!
 * Shan Yu/Gaston (singing): As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!
 * Human Villains/Old Cronies (singing): My, what a guy that Gaston!
 * (Human Villains/Old Cronies swing Mushu/Lefou back and forth into the camera. Mushu/Lefou tickles
 * Shan Yu/Gaston's chin, who stands with pride) Give five hurrahs, give twelve hip-hips
 * Mushu/Lefou (singing): Shan Yu is the best and the rest is all drips!
 * (Mushu/Lefou swings up his arm in dance and throws a mug of beer in Shan Yu/Gaston's face, who socks Mushu/Lefou in the face)
 * All (singing): No one fights like Gaston, no one bites like Gaston
 * Sir Kay/Wrestler (singing): In a wrestling match, nobody bites like Gaston
 * The Powerpuff Girls/Bimbettes (singing): For there's no one as burly and brawny
 * Shan Yu/Gaston (singing): As you see I've got biceps to spare
 * Mushu/Lefou (singing): Not a bit of him scraggly or scrawny
 * Shan Yu/Gaston (spoken): That's right! (singing) And every last bit of me's covered with hair!
 * (Shan Yu/Gaston fights with the men, then lifts a bench with the The Powerpuff Girls/Bimbettes on it.  He drops the bench on Mushu/Lefou, then turns to the camera and reveals his hairy chest.)
 * Human Villains/Old Cronies (singing):  No one hits like Shan Yu, matches wits like Shan Yu!
 * Mushu/Lefou (singing): In a spitting match, nobody spits like Gaston!
 * Shan Yu/Gaston: I'm especially good at expectorating! Ptooey!
 * All (singing): Ten points for Shan Yu!
 * (Shan Yu/Gaston plays a chess game with a man, then hits the board, sending it and pieces all over. He takes a bite of leather from the belt once wrapped around his neck, chews it and spits it into a spittoon, which falls and gets stuck on the head of Mushu/Lefou.)
 * Shan Yu/Gaston (singing): When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs, Every morning to help me get large! And now that I'm grown, I eat five dozen eggs So I'm roughly the size of a barge!
 * (Shan Yu/Gaston juggles a number of eggs, then swallows them whole. Mushu/Lefou attempts the trick, and is hit in the face by three eggs.)
 * All (singing): No one shoots like Shan Yu, makes those beauts like Shan Yu!
 * Mushu/Lefou (singing): Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Shan Yu!
 * Shan Yu/Gaston (singing): I use antlers in all of my decorating!
 * (Shan Yu/Gaston takes three shots at a beer barrel, which begins leaking into the mugs of onlookers. He returns stomping to his chair, where we see the fireplace surrounded by the heads of the animals he has killed. The mystery cut of music is here! Cut to ending of "Shan Yu/Gaston Reprise")
 * All (singing): My what a guy! Shan Yu!!!!!!!
 * (Human Villains/The Old Cronies have picked up the chair and carry Shan Yu/Gaston around in it. Mushu/Lefou tries to flee, but they toss the chair into its normal place, and Mushu/Lefou is pinned underneath. Winston/Maurice bursts in frantically)
 * Winston/Maurice: Help! Someone help me!
 * Uncle Grandpa/Old Man: Winston?
 * Winston/Maurice: Please! Please, I need your help! He's got her. He's got her locked in the dungeon.
 * Mushu/Lefou: Who?
 * Winston/Maurice: Angelica. We must go. Not a minute to lose!
 * Shan Yu/Gaston: Whoa! Slow down, Winston. Who's got Angelica locked in a dungeon?
 * Winston/Maurice: A horstachio! A horrible, monstrous horstachio!
 * (Winston/Maurice has gone from person to person, pleading his case, until he is thrown at the feet of Shan Yu/Gaston. A moment of silence, then the Human Villains/Old Cronies begin to laugh and mock him.)
 * Lickboot/Crony 1: Is it a big horstachio?
 * Winston/Maurice: Huge!
 * Rapustin/Crony 2: With a long, ugly snout?
 * Winston/Maurice: Hideously ugly!
 * Prince Charming/Crony 3: And sharp, cruel fangs?
 * Winston/Maurice: Yes, yes. Will you help me?
 * Shan Yu/Gaston: All right, old man. We'll help you out.
 * Winston/Maurice: You will? Oh thank you, thank you!
 * (The Human Villains/Old Cronies pick up Winston/Maurice and help him out by throwing him through the door.)
 * Lickboot/Crony 1: Crazy old Winston. He's always good for a laugh!
 * Shan Yu/Gaston (Very pensive): Crazy old Winston, hmm? Crazy old Winston. Hmmm? (singing) Mushu, I'm afraid I've been thinking.
 * (Mushu/Lefou is still under the chair.)
 * Mushu/Lefou (singing): A dangerous pastime--
 * Shan Yu/Gaston: (finishing line) I know, (singing) But that wacky old coot is Angelica's father, And his sanity's only so-so, Now the wheels in my head have been turning, Since I looked at that loony old man, See I promised myself I'd be married to Angelica, And right now I'm evolving a plan!
 * (Shan Yu/Gaston picks Mushu/Lefou out from under the chair and holds his head close, and whispers)
 * Shan Yu/Gaston: If I...(whisper)
 * Mushu/Lefou: Yes?
 * Shan Yu/Gaston: Then I...(whisper)
 * Mushu/Lefou: No, would she?
 * Shan Yu/Gaston: (whispering)...GUESS!
 * Mushu/Lefou: Now I get it!
 * Both: Let's go!
 * (They begin a waltz around the floor as they sing)
 * Both (singing): No one plots like Shan Yu!, takes cheap shots like Shan Yu!
 * Mushu/Lefou (singing): Plans to persecute harmless crackpots like Shan Yu!
 * All (singing): So his marriage we soon'll be celebrating! My what a guy, Shan Yu!!!
 * (Camera zooms out through window to snow covered square, empty except for Winston/Maurice)
 * Winston/Maurice (to no one in particular): Will no one help me?