DucktheGWREngineFan9's Take Along No Joke for James (George Carlin) Remake.

Characters

 * James
 * Coaches
 * Freight Cars
 * Cabooses
 * Tan Coaches
 * Annie and Clarabel
 * Breakdown Trains
 * Percy
 * Thomas
 * Gordon
 * Green Express Coach
 * Light Red Coach
 * Tan Express Coach
 * Brown and White Coach
 * Caboose
 * Tootle
 * Katy Caboose

Transcript

 * Narrator: James is a mixed traffic engine. He can pull both freight cars and coaches. (as the first shot finds James hauling nine freight cars and a caboose, the second shot finds James pulling five coaches like three tan coaches and Annie and Clarabel) He's proud of his smart red paint and so is his driver.
 * James' Driver: Everyone says you brighten up your day, James.
 * Narrator: One morning, James whistled loudly at the other engines. (James is in the yard with Percy and Thomas shunting freight cars together)
 * James: Look at me! I'm a smartest most useful engine on the line!
 * Thomas: Rubbish.
 * Narrator: Replied Thomas.
 * Thomas: We're all useful. Sir Topham Hatt says so and he's head of the whole railway.
 * Percy: You know what, James?
 * Narrator: Added Percy.
 * James: What?
 * Narrator: Replied James.
 * Percy: You're getting all puffed up. (James clanks fiercely away)
 * Narrator: James huffed away. Later, he was still boasting.
 * James: I'm the pride of the line. (meets up with Gordon as a freight train gets shunted past him)
 * Gordon: I saw you're pulling freight cars. You're only a goods engine.
 * James: I've pull coaches too.
 * Gordon: Not as much as I do.
 * James: But Sir Topham Hatt had plans for me.
 * Narrator: James was making this up but Gordon believed him.
 * Gordon: What plans?
 * James: Uh, wait and see. Oh dear.
 * Narrator: He thought.
 * James: Now what'll I do?
 * Narrator: Thomas was shunting shiny new coaches. (Thomas pulls into the yard with Gordon's five usual express coaches like Gordon's green and yellow Express coach, a light red Express coach, a tan Express coach, a dark red Express coach, and a red Express coach)
 * Thomas: Good morning, James.
 * James: Are those coaches for me?
 * Narrator: Asked James hopefully.
 * Thomas: No, these are for Gordon's Express. I'll fetch your freight cars next. (Tootle runs by with three freight cars and Katy Caboose)
 * Narrator: But James was going to play a trick on the other engines.
 * James: Actually, Thomas, I'm taking the coaches. Sir Topham Hatt asked me to tell you.
 * Thomas: What about the cars?
 * Narrator: Asked Thomas.
 * James: Uh, give them to Gordon.
 * Thomas' Driver: Come on, Thomas.
 * Narrator: Said his driver.
 * Thomas' Driver: Orders are orders. (Thomas obeys and leaves Gordon's coaches for James to couple up to so that he can escape)
 * Narrator: So when James' driver returned, James was coupled to the coaches and he puffed away. (James flees, taking Gordon's coaches) Thomas returned with the freight cars. And a few minutes later, Gordon arrived. (Thomas shunts five freight cars and caboose for Gordon, who arrives)
 * Gordon: Where's the express?
 * Narrator: Thomas told him about James.
 * Thomas: And so here are your cars.
 * Narrator: Gordon was very cross and so was his driver. (Thomas leaves the freight cars and flees)
 * Gordon's Driver: Wait until Sir Topham Hatt hears about this.
 * Narrator: Meanwhile James was enjoying himself enormously. (James speeds along the line, hauling Gordon's five Express coaches)
 * James: What a clever plan! What a clever plan!
 * Narrator: He chuffed. Then he saw Sir Topham Hatt. (as James arrives at Elsbridge station, Percy goes by, hauling four freight cars and a caboose)
 * Sir Topham Hatt: Some jokes are funny, but not this one, James. You have caused confusion.
 * James: Yes Sir.
 * Narrator: Said James.
 * Sir Topham Hatt: You will now stay in your shed until you are wanted. (James obeys and uncouples himself from the train and flees sadly back to the shed)
 * Narrator: The other engines teased James.
 * Gordon: I wonder who'd be pulling the express today?
 * Narrator: Said Gordon.
 * Henry: I expect it'll be you.
 * Narrator: Replied Henry.
 * Henry: James is stuck in the shed for being silly.
 * Narrator: James felt sad. Next morning, he went back to work. (James sadly went back to work)
 * Thomas: Hello.
 * Narrator: Whistled Thomas.
 * Thomas: Good to see you out and about again.
 * James: I'm sorry I tricked you.
 * Narrator: Said James.
 * James: Are these my cars?
 * Thomas: Yes.
 * Narrator: Replied Thomas kindly.
 * Thomas: They're please to have you back. (Thomas leaves)
 * Narrator: James set off to the harbour with a train of freight cars. He bustled about all day pushing and pulling them into place. (James takes all nine freight cars and a caboose to the docks)
 * James' Driver: Time to go home now, James.
 * Narrator: Said his driver at last.
 * James' Driver: No cars or passengers. Just we too.
 * Narrator: But his driver was wrong.
 * Railway Inspector: Excuse me.
 * Narrator: Said the man.
 * Railway Inspector: I have a meeting with Sir Topham Hatt and I mustn't be late. May I ride back with you?
 * James' Driver: Of course.
 * Narrator: Replied James' driver. Then he whispered to James.
 * James' Driver: This gentleman is a railway inspector.
 * Narrator: James was most impressed. (couples up to his nine freight cars and caboose and speeds along the line at a high speed toward Knapford station) He steamed along the line as smoothly and quickly as he could. Sir Topham Hatt was waiting on the platform and the railway inspector greeted him warmly.
 * Railway Inspector: This clever engine gave me a splendid ride. You must be proud of him.
 * Sir Topham Hatt: Yes indeed. James, once again, you are a really useful engine. (James smiles)
 * James: Yeah! I'm good at pulling freight cars and coaches. I'm proud of my smart red paint. And once again, I am a really useful engine. (pulls a mixed train of coaches and freight cars together)